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Change Love Purpose Rest struggles What is MS?

Wow…where do I start

The last few weeks have been full of spiritual growth as God has shown himself very clearly…I had planned on writing every day of our vacation, and I felt lead to take the week and read, pray and reflect on the last few weeks. 

First, I had my yearly scans and check up to see where my MS is in regards to progression. For those who aren’t familiar, MS is not a disease that causes damage and is completely stopped by medication. It is one that is degenerative and progressive in nature. I am asked many times how I feel to know that I have a disease that lends itself to uncertainty. I feel that it is fitting that I have this type of disease, as it took this level of uncertainty for me to realize that I have all the certainty that I need in my life. I didn’t think that I would handle (and didn’t at first) having to wait for a yearly “thumbs up” from my doctor well. Now, my visits are filled with jokes with my doctor and honesty from them. My wife and I use it as a mini vacation. Aside from the stupid 2 hours in a tiny tube for my MRI’s, I enjoy going. Duke is an amazing place, and this time they had installed a BOSE stereo system. They asked what music I would like, and I probably should have asked for Mercy Me instead of Bizzle.  The bass from the BOSE headphones made it hard to sleep.  I really have quit praying (and I have debated this with a few people) so much for a perfect visit, and instead that God uses the situation (whatever the disease brings) to glorify Him. I am pleased to say that at this time there has been no progression since I started medication two and a half years ago.  Many people may wonder why I can’t walk without assistance, as they probably know someone that has had progression and still can move freely. “Stubborn” is probably the best explanation, as I have had this disease for the last 15 years, it just took a really big hit for it to finally be diagnosed. Even before using my Sidestix crutches, I had a physical therapist tell me that there is no way I shouldn’t be in a wheelchair. It took a lot of frustration for me to give in to using an aid to walk…but, it took me using these to see how God was going to use my situation. Now, I embrace the changes. This time, I took my Crossfit chair to show the medical staff (side note, the nurse asked me to get back on the scale because it couldn’t be right…235lbs to 187lbs in 6 months). It again caused two people in wheelchairs to ask me what made me happy while I was having blood work done.  

Embrace the situations with which God blesses you. I don’t always understand it at the time, but I have learned to trust it!

Second, God gave me a whirlwind of things over the last three weeks in regards to the path that He has for me. I don’t have a lot to add on this, except…I prayed for God to make it clear what He wanted and to close the door if it wasn’t His Will. Looking back, I think I did it because I thought I knew the outcome. He slammed the door, and I was confused. I still don’t understand it, but He has yet to lead me the wrong way. He has saved me from myself many times, and for that I am in awe of His Grace, Mercy, and Infinite Wisdom of what is best for me in His Plan.

i love you all!

-Jason

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